A Clean Slate

February 13, 2010 § Leave a comment

“Everything ends. But there are always new beginnings.” ~ Ralph Bellamy

It’s snowing tonight. The white flakes cover the imperfections of the earth below and create a sort of Winter Wonderland. It amazes me how quickly my little world and all of the things around me become like a blank slate. Still yet there is so much life beneath it, around it. It got me to thinking about my life and how I too have so many little imperfections (and yes, some big ones too) that I wish I could cover up. And then that got me to thinking about starting over.

Beginnings are so beautiful. Imperfect in their spontaneity and unusual in their uniqueness beginnings are ever changing – never the same for one person.

Right now I’m thinking about the first time I met my beau. We spoke to each other over the internet – which in some age long ago would have been quite scandalous but which now has become a common way of meeting people. It was a spontaneous meeting at that. Quite late at night with both of us sitting bored on the opposite side of a computer screen… just the thought of having someone I didn’t know over filled me with both excitement and foreboding. (You never can be too sure of people, you know.)

I remember seeing his face as he pulled into the driveway – we were still talking on the phone as he pulled in because once again (no surprise) Mapquest had given the wrong directions. I remember his shoes. I now call them his “fancy pants” shoes. He was wearing them to impress me. It worked.

I had been watching Dave Matthews live on DVD and drinking a glass of red wine. My cheeks were flushed and we laughed often as we recounted stories. The conversation was easy and the company felt warm and inviting. It was a relaxing night with a positive end that has led us to approximately nine months of dating.

Thinking about how he was then, not to say he was a different person, but knowing how he is now that I’ve spent all of this time with him and thinking about what he was like the night I met him… it’s different. There are different things about him that I didn’t, would have put my finger on had we not been spending this time together now. Don’t get me wrong, I would still continue dating him and would not have lost interest had he been different… but it makes me laugh to think about the things that are different from then. I’m sure I was different too. (Trying to impress and all that jazz.)

Anyways I’ve gotten a bit off track. What I was saying was that a clean slate is a beautiful thing – whether on a tree or in a heart… and I’m ready for one. I’ve been holding a lot of emotions back the last few years. Emotions that have spawned from family situations, a failed marriage and issues with trusting people… things that are hard to deal with. I’m ready to be without them now. I’m ready to look at life through different colored glasses. (Although maybe not rose… I’m not very much a fan of pink.) I also want to go a step further and start over with everyone. I want to see things from a different perspective.

I’m ready for a new beginning. A new chapter. A clean slate.

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